Any group that meets regularly on, daily basis will have a certain dynamic at work.
Dynamic shall mean expectations and energy exchange. We are all vibrational-energy exchange systems, meaning we give or take energy from each other when we are in close proximity with each other. Family is one such system.
Someone in the family dynamics will generate energy to give, and some will take. There will be a dominant one who generates energy for others to take. It is a very delicate system, very sensitive to changes, hence the group does not like changes. This is why some will put up with the emotional abuse from some, while some will be indifferent to the abuse, while some will be forever positive and cheerful; they will remain as such. This is where you hear them say, “What is wrong? I know you”.
What they are picking up, though, you are doing the same thing; they FEEL your vibration. They know you are different because of your vibration, not from your looks or behavior. Yes, sometimes it is the look or the behavior; most of the time, it is the vibration; they feel the vibrational change. Just like when someone can walk in the room and suddenly they feel something is wrong, where you get the expression, “it is so dense in there, you need to knife to cut through it”.
When in therapy with a family member, not the whole family. There will be a disruption to the family dynamics, and the rest will have to recalibrate because they are disconnected from the family energy grid; they cannot have the ‘feel’ of the others.
When you want to help in changing someone from a family, do consider the family dynamics; you change one, you will change the rest! Even though you think you are helping, you may actually be causing the family to break apart! Yes, they are so dependent, but when you change the dependent into independent, the structure changes, they existing who needed the dependency may feel that they have lost them, you may be causing the family to fall apart.
Best to leave them alone, observe, know the family dynamics, but leave them alone!
Yes, they may be complaining, you may be wondering why they do not stop it, you want to help them stop it by giving them friendly advice, but they are used to complaining; in fact, they depend on complaining to make a connection with others (some families provoke each other to get a connection with each other). Just leave them alone, because when you stop the complaining, you stop the connection. In case your help may cause the family to break apart (some family needs the noise, some family needs the peace, respect their family dynamics’ need of each other), you need to learn to let things be.
You can see the family dynamics as a ‘structure of co-dependency‘ in beliefs, logic, and energy exchange.
If you change one, you will create a domino effect, causing the family to break apart.
Unless you help ‘progressively’, so that the rest of the family adjusts slowly to the change, not too fast.