How to let go

The question is asked many times by students, “How do I let go“?

This is a normal question because some are so used to ‘holding’ on, that they have forgotten how to ‘let go,‘ which is an automatic response.

Let go is automatic because, when you hold 2 tennis balls in both palms, you are hungry, you really want to eat something, you will automatically drop the tennis balls and grab the cake given to you.  There is no need to ask, “How do I let go of the tennis balls”?  Yet, I get the question often, they have forgotten how to let go, that is an automatic response, because they are so used to holding on.

The answer to this question is:  IMPORTANT.

We hold on because ‘it’, whatever it is, it is VERY IMPORTANT to us, that we HOLD ONTO it, even when it gives us pain, we will still hold onto it, some even hold onto it to get ‘sick’ in the process, and even die with ‘it’.

One which we call “secondary gain” in the NLP context, is when we HOLD ONTO something that gives us the ATTENTION that we get while holding onto the something, usually a dis-ease to get ATTENTION from people.

In the example of an old lady who got sick, only to have her kids return home, then she was healthy again.  When they left, she became sick again, and the kids had to return.  She knows HOW to let go, and she also knows HOW to create the problem, so that the kids will RETURN HOME to see her.  Until her son sees what is happening, he does not return home, only to see her leave this world.  It no longer serves her, the sickness, she left.

Another example, an old boss of mine.  He will have a talk with me about his life.  He will sit at his table, and behind the table, there is a jar with water inside, and there is something inside it, floating.  Cannot remember what we talked about, but then he turned and pointed to the water-filled jar with something inside. He will tell me, “You know, this is what prevents me from doing even better than what I am now”.  I asked him, “What is that”?  He pointed to his neck, where there is a horizontal scar, an old scar, and then he said, “This was removed from my neck, that’s why my voice is hoarse”. I asked him, “How long have you had that”?  He says,, ’20 years”!

Imagine that he BLAMED, hold onto, what happened for 20 years, and it is ON display to his clients, probably telling the same story, must be proud of it, telling people how he survived the throat cancer, yet somehow, he blamed it on it, saying that he could have been better if it is not for that.  He did not blame his smoking; he was still smoking in the office, but he blamed the cancer in the water jar behind him.

Sometimes we just have a NEED TO HOLD ONTO, to GET ATTENTION from someone, to SHOW SOMEONE HOW miserable their life is.
The truth is, they probably don’t even know you are carrying the problem; they have forgotten what they did, only you did!

Normal HOLDING on is because “it is IMPORTANT TO US” that we hold onto.

• To LET GO, create a MORE IMPORTANT event, you will automatically let go, unless it is a secondary gain.

When your current situation is NOT happy, NOT loved, we will HOLD ONTO some happy, loved event of the past.  The simple solution is to create A NEW HAPPIER EVENT or LOVING EVENT now, to DISPLACE the old event that you held onto.

The next is MOVE AWAY from the event, else one may be tempted to PICK UP what is let go of.  Meaning, KEEP CREATING THE NEW EVENT that is better, so much better that you no longer want to hold onto it.

Keeping it SIMPLY:  CREATE a NEW EVENT to DISPLACE the IMPORTANT event!

Enjoy letting go!